[Dream]
I got a call from S. Pavlina, or was it Ernst? I didn't understand what he said, just hi and that I was going to get something from him. He sent me a gift. I was very curious what it might be, but it was only a very large coloured napkin used in nail studios. It was white with purple, green and red wavy stripes on it.
Then I was in a supermarket. I knew it was in the USA. I looked at the things they sold. Many cheese making utensils. Tibby was there and begged. I wanted to feed him something, but Diane forbade it.
Something about Ernst. In some way I understood that S. was my new Ernst?
[Cooking]
Yesterday I made pea risotto after Jamie Oliver. It was good, a little sweet.
Today I want to make cupcakes.
Later: my cupcakes were a failure. Half a failure. The cakes turned out very well, moist and springy. The frosting however... is liquid. I made it with instant vanilla cream but wanted to save on butter. Then it separated and I tried to bind it with powdered sugar. Then with cornstarch. Then I tried to cool it. Nothing worked. Now it's almost as sweet as American frosting, but liquid. I'm really disappointed.
For lunch I made 'Moorish crunch salad'. I love this salad.
I tried on my demi-pointes just now and looked how my feet would look en pointe. I believe I would just manage to get over the box if I had good shoes. But it doesn't matter anyway because I'm FAT, FAT, FAT! And i can't seem to eat consciously anymore, and I have lost my desire to dance because I feel heavy and fat and I just eat and eat! I get so angry at myself. I know I should study and eat consciously and go to classes and practice. But I just eat, watch football games and lie around. The only thing I do at the moment that I planned to do is working on my psychic development (remembering my dreams, raising my vibration with the CD and not eating meat). But I am afraid to try to meet my guides and higher self. Afraid that it might not work like the first time, that I will get confused and not trust my senses anymore, or that they will tell me to do something difficult. Like a doctor's thesis, an internship, a public spectacle.
OK. Maybe this fear or conflict is what makes me eat and kill time. Maybe I should just try some automatic writing?
An hour or so later... I think I'm scared. Ok, here I come...
Is anybody here?
Yes. We are.
Who are you?
Your guides.
Is there anything I should know right now?
Yes, study, you need to study.
How can I study without so many bad feelings?
Just study.
Sit. Write.
Thank you!
How can I lose weight. I really want to be thin. I want it so much!
Remember how you felt. What you want. Vaganova dream. Stretching.
Who touched my arm yesterday?
You. A spider.
Was it a spirit?
No, it was you.
Where is my fly screen?
Up wardrobe. Big door up right.
Where are my witch notes?
Pink file. Don't know.
How can I remember my dreams better?
Go to bed early, don't read. Orange flower tea.
Is it good to be vegetarian?
Yes.
Should I be vegan.
Maybe. Later.
Should I be a dentist.
Yes. Help people. Empathy. Consciousness.
Should I go to modern dance class?
Not yet. It will hurt.
How can I speak to you more easily? In dreams?
Yes. Lucid dreams. We will be waiting.
Thank you. I love you. Do you love me too?
Yes. Of course. We love you. We are your fan club.
Should I tell the others about this talk.
No. You do this for yourself.
May I tell them that I'm happy because of it?
Yes
How can I get more money?
Limit your wants. Cosmetics, MC.
Should I go there or avoid it?
Yes and no.
Should I buy something there?
Yes. A bag. A brown bag with pink inside.
What if I don't like that bag?
Don't buy it.
Why should I buy it?
You will meet a young man.
When should I go?
Now. Monday
Morning?
Wash your hair and go.
I can't afford it now. And I don't trust myself enough to buy something because you said so.
Ok.
Are you really my guides? Or are you fooling me.
Yes no yes no.
Are you really my guides?
Yes we ARE!
Ok, sorry. You know this is very confusing and new for me.
We understand. Don't give up. Come back often.
I will. Thank you.
Should I know anything more now?
No, you can go.
What about this CD I see?
Yes, buy it.
What about my hair? Should I cut it?
Yes.
And how long?
Layers. Shoulder.
Thank you. I love you.
We love you too, goodbye!
Goodbye
Wow. I opened my chakras and it really felt strange. Towards the second half of the writing I began to feel dizzy and felt the answers more clearly, doubted less. So tomorrow morning I should go to Migros city to buy a bag and a meditation CD and meet a young man. I really am very insecure about this. But the love seemed real. Also the "you do this for yourself" sentence really seemed to come from outside me. As did the "we will be waiting". And "come back often". I guess it is really important to trust myself and my feelings. Of course I might be fooling myself. But my belief in guides and HS etc. Is 99% at the moment... So all I need to do is practice communicating with them. Sweet that they said they are my fan club. I saw them in my mind's eye as a group of laughing people standing very closely together in the corner of a twilit room. Maybe they are other spirits fooling with me. Maybe I have funny guides. Maybe I interpreted it wrong. Orange flower tea? They want me to buy things to save money? Well, I'll go to Migros and look at the bags and the men. And I'll drink tea at night, herbal tea. And I'll do this again soon. And I'll study, of course. Right now, make tea and study!
I got a call from S. Pavlina, or was it Ernst? I didn't understand what he said, just hi and that I was going to get something from him. He sent me a gift. I was very curious what it might be, but it was only a very large coloured napkin used in nail studios. It was white with purple, green and red wavy stripes on it.
Then I was in a supermarket. I knew it was in the USA. I looked at the things they sold. Many cheese making utensils. Tibby was there and begged. I wanted to feed him something, but Diane forbade it.
Something about Ernst. In some way I understood that S. was my new Ernst?
[Cooking]
Yesterday I made pea risotto after Jamie Oliver. It was good, a little sweet.
Today I want to make cupcakes.
Later: my cupcakes were a failure. Half a failure. The cakes turned out very well, moist and springy. The frosting however... is liquid. I made it with instant vanilla cream but wanted to save on butter. Then it separated and I tried to bind it with powdered sugar. Then with cornstarch. Then I tried to cool it. Nothing worked. Now it's almost as sweet as American frosting, but liquid. I'm really disappointed.
For lunch I made 'Moorish crunch salad'. I love this salad.
I tried on my demi-pointes just now and looked how my feet would look en pointe. I believe I would just manage to get over the box if I had good shoes. But it doesn't matter anyway because I'm FAT, FAT, FAT! And i can't seem to eat consciously anymore, and I have lost my desire to dance because I feel heavy and fat and I just eat and eat! I get so angry at myself. I know I should study and eat consciously and go to classes and practice. But I just eat, watch football games and lie around. The only thing I do at the moment that I planned to do is working on my psychic development (remembering my dreams, raising my vibration with the CD and not eating meat). But I am afraid to try to meet my guides and higher self. Afraid that it might not work like the first time, that I will get confused and not trust my senses anymore, or that they will tell me to do something difficult. Like a doctor's thesis, an internship, a public spectacle.
OK. Maybe this fear or conflict is what makes me eat and kill time. Maybe I should just try some automatic writing?
An hour or so later... I think I'm scared. Ok, here I come...
Is anybody here?
Yes. We are.
Who are you?
Your guides.
Is there anything I should know right now?
Yes, study, you need to study.
How can I study without so many bad feelings?
Just study.
Sit. Write.
Thank you!
How can I lose weight. I really want to be thin. I want it so much!
Remember how you felt. What you want. Vaganova dream. Stretching.
Who touched my arm yesterday?
You. A spider.
Was it a spirit?
No, it was you.
Where is my fly screen?
Up wardrobe. Big door up right.
Where are my witch notes?
Pink file. Don't know.
How can I remember my dreams better?
Go to bed early, don't read. Orange flower tea.
Is it good to be vegetarian?
Yes.
Should I be vegan.
Maybe. Later.
Should I be a dentist.
Yes. Help people. Empathy. Consciousness.
Should I go to modern dance class?
Not yet. It will hurt.
How can I speak to you more easily? In dreams?
Yes. Lucid dreams. We will be waiting.
Thank you. I love you. Do you love me too?
Yes. Of course. We love you. We are your fan club.
Should I tell the others about this talk.
No. You do this for yourself.
May I tell them that I'm happy because of it?
Yes
How can I get more money?
Limit your wants. Cosmetics, MC.
Should I go there or avoid it?
Yes and no.
Should I buy something there?
Yes. A bag. A brown bag with pink inside.
What if I don't like that bag?
Don't buy it.
Why should I buy it?
You will meet a young man.
When should I go?
Now. Monday
Morning?
Wash your hair and go.
I can't afford it now. And I don't trust myself enough to buy something because you said so.
Ok.
Are you really my guides? Or are you fooling me.
Yes no yes no.
Are you really my guides?
Yes we ARE!
Ok, sorry. You know this is very confusing and new for me.
We understand. Don't give up. Come back often.
I will. Thank you.
Should I know anything more now?
No, you can go.
What about this CD I see?
Yes, buy it.
What about my hair? Should I cut it?
Yes.
And how long?
Layers. Shoulder.
Thank you. I love you.
We love you too, goodbye!
Goodbye
Wow. I opened my chakras and it really felt strange. Towards the second half of the writing I began to feel dizzy and felt the answers more clearly, doubted less. So tomorrow morning I should go to Migros city to buy a bag and a meditation CD and meet a young man. I really am very insecure about this. But the love seemed real. Also the "you do this for yourself" sentence really seemed to come from outside me. As did the "we will be waiting". And "come back often". I guess it is really important to trust myself and my feelings. Of course I might be fooling myself. But my belief in guides and HS etc. Is 99% at the moment... So all I need to do is practice communicating with them. Sweet that they said they are my fan club. I saw them in my mind's eye as a group of laughing people standing very closely together in the corner of a twilit room. Maybe they are other spirits fooling with me. Maybe I have funny guides. Maybe I interpreted it wrong. Orange flower tea? They want me to buy things to save money? Well, I'll go to Migros and look at the bags and the men. And I'll drink tea at night, herbal tea. And I'll do this again soon. And I'll study, of course. Right now, make tea and study!
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