Playing a beautiful Day

Gargano
Today was a beautiful day. I was woken early by Tibby, but then I went to sleep again for a few hours. Eventually I got up. I had slept well and enough. Papa was already there and we all prepared breakfast together. I was wearing my blue plaid dress and feeling well-groomed and well dressed (except my hair which still needed washing.)

After breakfast the parents went shopping and I unpacked my things and organised our house. I am especially proud of my idea to use the clotheshorse as a garden gate. In this way, Tibby can run around freely in the house and on the verandah and everybody is content.
It got really hot. But that didn't bother me much, because I had been wishing for summer again as you know. I just didn't move much and drank cold water. Then I put on make-up and when the parents got home I did the dishes (we made a plan so everyone does them in turn). Then I did a pedicure and right after that we ate a snack and then went to the beach. Diane took Tibby at first, but he was very afraid and she eventually stayed on the beach with him. There lots of children came wanting to play with him, it was really droll to watch. But later, there came an even bigger attraction: A white rabbit on a leash which was skipping around in the sand. That was really funny and in a way grotesque to watch.

I stayed in the water for a long time, first with Sina and then with Mam. I was practicing a little ballet and noticed that in water you can really find the right dynamics of port de bras; especially the hands and the slight lag, and also the resistance.

Then we all went home again and showered. I put on lotion everywhere, as if I were slender and beautiful. Because I have to behave as if I were everything I want to be to attract it.
Mam and Papa said we should cook at our place and they would come over to eat. It was great fun planning a meal and cooking with Sina, and having 'guests'. In general I think having a little house of one's own and being able to organise and tidy up and cook etc. is great. We made Pasta with aurora sauce and for dessert I made a fruit salad. It was a nice evening. Diane had to do the dishes and I was reading to her (the book was mostly stupid). Then I grew tired, went to bed and read a little in a ballet book. Even though I was interested I couldn't keep my eyes open and fell asleep.

The day was beautiful because we have a pretty little house where I get to 'keep house';because the weather was fine; we didn't fight; I felt grown-up and well and awake; because it was the first day.
But I wasn't conscious, I was acting a part and enjoying it. I was playing this part before myself; I doubt moreover that Diane and Sina payed me enough attention to notice.

On the Road in Italy

I slept well, only too little, but we had to go on. For breakfast there were three sorts of cake, sweet croissants, canned fruit, scrambled eggs and the usual.

At ten twenty we departed. On the way we got into a slow traffic jam which trew us back, but we all tried to wish it away using Law of Attraction. It worked and we go on better. In Gargano we had to drive over hills and curves, so that it went more slowly. But it was beautiful. The sun had just turned to this nice gold, the pine woods were full of wonderful scents and the sea was clear and blue. We came to Peschici which looked almost like a fairy tale city with its white houses, on the hill above the blue sea, in the evening sunlinght.

Shortly before we arrived we came upon an accident, a man was lying on the floor. I believe the parents at first wanted to drive by, but I found that Mam needed to help. She got out and we waited on the side of the road but stayed in the car. There were two people injured, they were still conscious. Soon an ambulance came and we drove on. A car was standing there with a motorcycle half on and half under the bonnet. Mam was not as shocked as I had been fearing. I strangely wasn't, either. At last we arrived at the estate.

We daughters got the little house next to the one from last year, and the parents got a small one next to the 'Chiara house'. Everything was much newer and nicer than at the old house, but Mam's is newer and nicer still. But I am content. The best is a very stable, quite comfortable bed and an exhaust hood in the kitchen. And the adjustable shutters with fly screens. The verandah is large and rather private. I'll have enough room for ballet practice if I move all the things out of the way.

Diane was horribly over-aroused because of some fears concerning Tibby. I could have strangled her. Yes, it's not her fault, but it's annoying!!!!

We went to the Mezzaluna for dinner. It was nice but I almost froze to death because we were sitting outside, by the beach.

Back home, I took a shower and put on some lotion. Afterwards I felt good and went to bed.

(Translated from German)

Italy, here we come

Written retrospectively:

I got up and got ready etc. but because I was late I decided not to go to S square. I could forego the book and the croissant, but not ballet class. So I packed and, with a little help, finished in time.

Papa had decided I should go to both classed anyway. So I went. In elementary I was the best and enjoyed it. I got some praise, too, for tendus I think. In beginner Sika increased the difficulty a little this week, I guess because some elementary people had been asking to stay. But it went relatively well. I got muddled up a few times, but I consciously enjoyed it because it was the last ballet class. After class a girl, who had impressed me as very ambitious all summer in both classes, introduced herself to me.
She had always been trying the frog stretch and asking complicated questions. She told me in answer to my question that she had only been dancing for one or two months. I didn't really think her likeable, but I thought her nice. I believe she is Turkish. Unfortunately, I had to leave quickly so we couldn't talk longer.
I really hurried and got on a very full No.3, when Sina's text reached me, saying there was no need to hurry because they were nowhere near ready. So I got off at H square and bought a caraway seed roll, a chocolate meringue and a pretzel. I ate the chocolate meringue sitting on the bench at the station, the evening was clear and warm and golden, and I was looking forward to the holiday, but at the same time I was a little wistful because of ballet and my holidays in B which were drawing to an end. Then I took the next No.3 and went home.

When I got there, really nothing was ready, so I could take a shower and pack a few more things. We left at eight o'clock. I was expecting us to arrive in Modena as late as two or three in the morning, but we were there at ten past one. We had taken less breaks and got on very fast. Our hotel room was pretty and clean. The bed Sina and I shared was high and springy and had five fat soft pillows, it was like a cloud in the sky. Diane slept on a third small bed. The bathroom was nice, too, and everything was clean etc. I loved feeling so rich. I often feel that way in hotels, the nicer the more, and this hotel had four stars

Bad News

I just spoke to Teresa on the phone. The poor thing didn't have appendicitis at all, but a tumour in her intestine that has been removed. It is not certain whether it was cancer or not, but I don't think so because she is so young. Hopefully not. The reason I called her was wanting to know what's the matter with Franca without disturbing her. Teresa had received a text saying the classes for this week were cancelled because Franca needed some time for herself. Well, now I have clarity. It's really stupid, when I had been going strong and training a lot these last few weeks. Anyway, be that as it may. I am grateful that I'm not in hospital, sick after surgery. And tomorrow I will go to AS with Marina. And then to Italy.

I am so stressed. I hate packing, and especially arranging music for a journey. That stresses me out. Additionally, I must help a lot. Bleh!

Later: I'll go to that bakery at S square again tomorrow, to buy myself some breakfast. I want to go to the library close by. I am feeling pretty sad because I won't have any internet, ballet classes and friends for the next two weeks. Marina cancelled again. I am incredibly disappointed and sad and mad at her, too. She shouldn't have got my hopes up like that. I guess she was just afraid. A ballet class can be very scary, especially if you're insecure. I feel like she is basically interested but still too afraid. But then I might be wrong, too.

If you look at it positively, I have been looking forward to her coming for two weeks. Anticipation is nice as well. So it still brought something good into my life.

Okay, now I'll do a backup of my journal and next time I'll write in Italy. Bye!
(Translated from German)

A Visit and Confusion

This morning, I slept long until Mam woke me up with her loud voice. I had my breakfast in front of the TV, where I watched the CNSMD documentary once again. Then I got dressed etc. and quickly burned all my new songs onto a CD for the drive.

Sina, Mam and I first drove to Di for shopping, then over Vo, where we ate at McDonald's, then to Es. It was a beautiful day, almost clear, dry, windy and sunny. Unfortunately, it was rather chilly. But the meadows and forests still look totally 'summery'. I enjoyed the beautiful drive and the music with all my heart.

At Grandma's we cleaned house diligently and then had eclairs (yummy), but then we had to hurry because Mam wanted to get me to ballet class on time. The house and all the surroundings have stayed almost the same. And I became sad when I thought about maybe seeing it for the last time. In some way I was imagining buying the house and how I'd live in it...

On the way back I was enjoying the beautiful landscape again, and put my feet comfortably up on the back seat. I have never before travelled so cosily.

I even made it (just) to the  tram and was standing before the ballet school on the stroke of seven. Sadly, nobody opened the door even though I rang the bell and waited long, and I saw no sign of life through the window. So I thought Franca had cancelled the class via email. When I checked at home, nothing had come. Also no text message and nothing on the website. Now I am worried about having missed class or something. Maybe I'll call Teresa (who is in hospital) tomorrow, or Franca herself.

(This entry was translated from German. I tried to stay as close to the original as possible, so it might sound a little strange)

Feeling rich. And a new/old Class

Today I had to get up early because of a doctor's appointment. I was tired and disgruntled, but as soon as the sun came out, I felt better. At the doctor's everything was ok and it was over quickly. Then I went to town. I went to Anna's and then to Ladurée right around the corner. Oh, luxury! All those big beautiful macaroons, the lovely shop, the friendly service! I got one macaroon from every flavour and paid thirty Euros for them. Pure extravagance, I know. But I had just got news that I would receive the sum from the PV, for myself, and so I indulged myself. I enjoyed the feeling of wealth I felt in shopping and later in carrying the little bag around. I was feeling chic and tall and light and beautiful and rich all over. I got hair conditioner, flip flops, an eyeliner. Then I bought an S-brioche, an St-croissant and a freshly squeezed orange juice and sat down by the S water ditch in the sun. I had time, felt beautiful and rich and happy. So I ate my breakfast comfortably at eleven o'clock and fed luxury crumbs to the sparrows. Such moments are important, they are good for me and help me to continue attracting good things to my life.

Then I went home and rested for a while, but had to leave again right away to go to Mrs. H. In the meantime I had found out that Pepper had died. I spoke to her about it, and about the fact that I 'slip into other people' and out of myself, and am no longer aware of myself.

At home I ate spaetzle and rested, watched some Gossip Girl and enjoyed my macaroons. I ate too much, but they are very good. Heavier and damper than the little ones I know, but somehow exotic and luxurious. I wrote down the best flavous. Next time I will buy less!

I had planned to go to class at the opera. But then I grew afraid and almost didn't go. But I went anyway. Miraculously, the ballet tram came. And I was making my bun while looking out of the window and watching people's reaction to the pictures on the tram. It's so much fun watching somebody's face looking at the tram (hidden behind the huge ballerina on the window) and imagining that this person is admiring the beauty of the dancers or poses, is touched by it, fascinated, maybe becomes a ballet fan or lets go his prejudices.
The class went well, I was feeling ok. Not too confident, but good enough. My technique is cleaner than most of the others' who were there. Near the end my phone rang, so that I apologised to Regula after class. She said she had not seen me for ages, and I explained where I was studying now and why (schedule problem, I said). And then she said it would be nice if I came again some time and everything was so good with me. That made me happy, to finally hear some praise from her. Because in class I realised again how much I have learned and how big the difference must be from my last regular classes there, one and a half years ago. And most of it I owe to Franca.

I met a woman who had been at Franca's on Monday for a trial class, and told her it was better there. She wants to come on Thursday.

Sushi, Croissants, Disappointment

I got up rather early this morning and went immediately to the Japanese shop. I shopped and then went on to S square. I wanted to get myself a bun at the bakery. I found French croissants. I bought two and went on to the bus station. I was feeling light, awake and elegant. It was dry and sunny and clear. There was a cool wind and for a moment, I was perfectly happy.

At home, I made sushi. In between, I ate the croissants. They were divine! It turned out very yummy and I ate a little too much. Then I watched Gossip Girl and surfed the internet. I grew very lethargic. Late in the afternoon I brought the cans and bottles to the recycling place. That short walk did me really good. The cool, damp air and the wind refreshed me immensely.

I was so ready for ballet today. I was feeling tall and light and glad and would have preferred dancing my way over there. When we were alle there, changed and ready, Franca had to cancel the class because her dog Pepper wasn't feeling well. He was all limp and she was really worried. I was so frustrated! I had been 'itching' for a ballet class like almost never before, and then... nothing. Of course it was an emergency, and I was sympathetic, but still... And there were even two new students, total newbies from the way they were dressed. But well, it couldn't be helped.

(This entry was translated from German. I tried to stay as close to the original as possible, so it may sound a little strange.)